June 16, 2012

A mathematical look at obesity

I'm curious about this subject because of the drugs I'm on. The anti-psychotics actually work to slow you down, and are portable obesity pills.  The one I was on, Zyprexa (olanzapine) has been in the news, and the courts, for causing diabetes, perhaps.  http://thelastpsychiatrist.com/2010/10/zyprexa_and_fat.html

The one I'm on now, Zeldox (Ziprasidone) works in a slightly different way.  You don't get the triggers of hunger, at all, with this drug. It totally negates that signal. So, I never get that grumbly tummy syndrome that indicates that you're hungry.  I get a feeling of satisfaction when eating, of course.  But I eat very little, and try to walk an hour each day in an effort to stave off the inevitable.

I'm very thankful, as I read now about the link between high sugary drinks and obesity, that my husband and I have never been pop fans (or soda if you're in the States).  As a result, my children have never  had pop and don't like it, at all, when they've tried a taste.  Combining that, with little eating out at fast food restaurants, and healthy sized meals I think we're doing okay.

In a lot of ways I miss the initial feeling of mania.  Where I was religious and fanatic about exercising.  I went to the gym 5 times a week and was working out for about 2 hours per time.  I was in excellent shape, ran a 5 km, a 10 km and the Ottawa half-marathon. I was as skinny as I was when 26, and able to wear the clothes that I wore when married in 1987.  But the wheels all fell off as my mania increased to dangerous levels.  Since taking the anti psychotics it's been an effort to get out to walk.  It affects your entire body in a way that people not on the drug just don't get .  The drugs muck about with the internal metabolism, signals and triggers.

Oh for the days of good mania.

June 5, 2012

Reflections on my Birthday

So, yes, another birthday rolls around.  My 51st one if anyone is counting.  Don't feel 51 years old to be honest.  But, in some ways I can count how old I am in the things that I've seen and experienced.  Hard to believe how much time has passed.

30 years ago was my 21st birthday.  I can still remember who was there, at the party.  My best friend Pam. A friend that I haven't seen in years, Hank. My parents, and a few other people.  Was fun. I recall we had a BBQ with hamburgers and then a nice birthday cake.

The most memorable birthday for me, in recent memory was my 40th.  I'd just found out two weeks before that that I was pregnant with Victoria.  So, I recall that when we went out for dinner with Pam and a few other friends I didn't drink at all.  Gave up drinking entirely while I was pregnant.  Yes, not completely necessary but I didn't want to take a chance.

As I look forward to 2012 I hope that I"ll stay sane and stable.  With some joy, some sadness in there.  But overall a sense of how lucky I truly am.  With all the many blessings that a wife, a mother and a loved daughter has.  To some, a trusted friend.  Look to them to keep me afloat on the bad days, along with my family.

 It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere. Agnes Repplier

June 3, 2012

Living in this moment

I've been listening to a talk by Sam Harris at the Melbourne gathering of atheists.  2012 Global Atheists convention.  Here are some of the excerpts of his talk.

"How can we create lives that are truly worth living given they will come to an end?
What do you really truly care about?
When will you have the epiphany of what you've done with your life?
To make the most of the present moment.  The past is a memory. It's a thought arising in the present. The future is merely anticipated, it's just another thought arising now.  What we have is, truly, this moment.  We forget this truth, fleeing it, repudiating it, reliving our past, worrying about our future. The horror is that we succeed, in great part. We manage to never really connect with the present moment and find fulfillment there because we are continuously hoping to become more happy in the future.  We're anticipating being fulfilled in the future rather than being happy at this moment, now, in time.  And the future never arrives.  We're always solving a problem.  It is simple to drop your problem and live simply, in this moment."

Helps to remind me to live in the present, and enjoy what I have,  now, at this time.  I need to go back and listen to this talk again when I get down on myself.  It is so easy to forget the here and now of my life.  The love, the laughter, the joy, and the fun of having two beautiful daughters, each completely unique.  Of having a wonderful, loving husband that loves me for who I am.  Not who he met 30 years ago.  Not who he hopes to see in 20 years.  But the me, here now, patient and loving and loving him for who he is.

Peace to all.  Love, and let someone love you.

June 2, 2012

Quite annoyed about our laptop

We bought a new lap top last December for the girls to use.  Back in April approximately Sarah told me that it wouldn't turn on.  It did a constant beeping sound when you powered it up.  I didn't know what the issue was.  I asked her if she'd spilled anything on it and she said no.  So, I took it to the local computer repair shop.  They had it for about 1 week and said that they thought it was a stuck key.  So, I picked it up and took it to the store from where I bought it.  We have a service plan with them.  I reported that it wouldn't boot up.  Didn't know exactly what was wrong with it.  So, signed a contract that they'd ship it off to the Gateway dealer.  2 weeks pass by.  Yesterday I get a call that the laptop is in.  So, this morning I drive the 30 minutes it takes over to the store.  There, I go to get it, expecting it to be all shiny and ready to take home.  They did NOTHING with it.  Apparently liquid did get spilled on it (why did it take 2 weeks to figure this out!??).  They won't do any work on it, although there's a signed sheet saying I authorize them to work on it.  So, they ship it back to the store.  So, now I've explicitly said, yes, go ahead and fix it.  I didn't sign anything further, mind you.  All he did was make a notation on the work order.  Like they couldn't have called me and let me know what the FUCKING issue was??  Terrible service. So, it's being sent back to the service depot for them to work on it, hopefully to fix it.  Repair bill may be 200 to 500 dollars depending on if the motherboard is damaged.  So, I am very angry at Sarah.  I'm very angry at the lousy service.  I'm very angry that this damn laptop is now unusable for over 1 month.  Just, very very frustrating.  It'll be another 2 to 3 weeks for them to work on it.  So, we're talking end of June here.  Terrible service.  Future Shop in Gatineau.  They suck.

Thankfully my mood is stable enough that I was able to calmly tell Sarah "you won't be using the laptop again, my dear", and put up with the screaming and crying that resulted.  She thinks I'm calling her stupid and dumb. you see. when I tell her this calmly.  That's the "fun" of a sensitive child.  If you say something she doesn't like, you pay for it with tantrums of the sort like this.

Remind me again why I bought a laptop?