February 20, 2010

Feeling a lot better

Well, after another good night sleep I feel better. I took a pill two nights ago and therefore really got a full 12 hours of sleep. That's how long I'm out of it with those extended release Seroquel pills. Last night I didn't take one, and still got a decent night's sleep of about 8 hours. I need that sleep as this morning, I'm awake, chipper and feeling good. I think I'll try taking another Seroquel tonight and then skip tomorrow night. Just trying to find a balance between feeling tired from the pill and feeling over-tired from not sleeping well. Pingponging between the two extremes to find the right balance.

I'm so totally happy over the win of the gold medal for Canada for skeleton racing. It's great for the sport and great for Canada. Woot! It feels good to cheer for Canada. Yeah we're supposed to be self-effacing, restrained but let us have a chance to be proud and we'll thump our chests :) YAY!! GO CANADA!

February 18, 2010

Didn't sleep well

I've slacked off, again, on posting. Sorry about that. Anyhow, I've been experimenting with not taking the Seroquel at bedtime. To see if I could still sleep and not have that awful hangover feeling of being so tired in the morning. It truly does knock you out for the duration of it being in your system. Well, a few nights I've had a decent night's sleep until last night. I saw 1 am, then don't recall anything else until 6 am when the alarm went off. Well, actually 6:50 am for that. But I don't feel rested. I feel wired and yet my eyes hurt from not enough sleep. My flow of words seems to be there again too. I think I'm going to have to take one tonight to get a decent night's sleep.

Part of what I was thinking about last night as I lay there sleepless was the fact that I'm a manic depressive autistic person who needs drugs in order to cope. That's my life now. No getting around it. No excuses not to take the drugs. I can't just throw up my hands and forget to take them, sadly. I feel broken inside. Defective, like I'm missing something.

I wish I was more humourous on Facebook. I see witty comments and sly remarks and think that I wish I was able to come up with something like that. But I'm an earnest, honest, if boring person. I'm kind and sympathetic but can't tell a good joke if I tried.

Just a jumble of thoughts that I've poured out above. I may be preaching to the converted here but I think without the Seroquel my mind is racing again. Bipolar sucks.

January 16, 2010

Some Good News

Yes, well this deserves all capitals on the words. Tim found a job. So, he's had a week off and now starts again Monday. Thank goodness. It was a really big worry that's off our shoulders now.

I've been doing okay - generally quite stable and cheerful. I went to see the movie "Chipmunks the Squeakqueal" today with my younger daughter. Tim and my older daughter went to see Avatar in 3D in the same theatre complex. I wish I could have seen Avatar. I found the Chipmunks movie painful to sit through. Just too sappy for my taste, thanks very much. Oh well, Mums just have to suck it up at times for their kids I guess. It's Victoria's birthday on Tuesday so this was a treat for her.

So far, I've posted pretty regularly this year. Let's see how good I can do in the coming weeks and months.

January 6, 2010

Bad News

Well, we got some bad news that we'd been expecting. My husband got laid off from his job. This wasn't a surprise, but also not welcomed. It means we don't have the health insurance plan that covered the cost of my drugs. Yes, eeep, that's not good news at all. Just now, when I'm feeling stable, I need those drugs. And now the cost of them has skyrocketed for us. Eeep again.

Quebec does have a provincial prescription plan that I'll have to look into. We are supposed to either be covered by it, or a private plan (which we've had up to now). So, hopefully that will cover some of the cost of the drugs. I hope so, anyhow.

Surprisingly, I've had few tears over this. Yes, a few but that's to be expected. Really, emotionally, I am stable, thank goodness.

Wish us luck on finding Tim new work.

January 5, 2010

Wow 11 Followers

Wow, I'm amazed that I have 11 followers LOL. I dunno, just seems like what I say isn't very important and why would somebody want to read it, after all. That's not my vanity speaking but simply a statement that I don't feel very interesting.

As I think back over the last year I can see where I miss the highs of mania. The quick thoughts that could be expressed easily. Whereas now, with the Zeldox, that part of me is more grounded. Yes, I'm much better at spending now - I don't have the terrible impulse to spend money that we don't have. I'm much more sensible in the store these days. So, it's good in that sense. But still, I do miss the feeling of being on a high of good feeling. I notice that loss. But I'd rather be sensible and grounded than on a mania high, and not sleeping, not taking good care of things around the house. So, I'll live with it.

Today is the girls last day of holiday. Tomorrow it's back to the grind of getting up at 6:45 am, and getting them on the bus at 7:30 am. I know it's early but they start the day at 8 am at school and are out by 3 pm in the afternoon. Just makes the mornings early, is all. Not easy to deal with, some mornings, when they've stayed up too late. That's another thing I notice, by the way. How I'm better able to keep track of time, including bed-time, when I'm more grounded and not on a mania high. I'm more sensible and a better mother I feel.

If we take care of the moments, the years will take care of themselves. Maria Edgeworth

January 3, 2010

Happy New Year

Happy New Year to you. I'm starting off the new year with the hope that I can post more regularly. I'm sorry I've slackened off from posting much. Just can't find words sometimes when I think I should post something. I do read comments however and do appreciate them a lot. Thanks for commenting if you have.

The medication levels that I'm at now are good for me, I believe. I'm stable mood wise and am enjoying a relative sense of calm and peace in my life. Life is good.